A teenage crush

I remember being thirteen years old and wondering if the guy I had a crush on would ever remember me.

Cheesy, right?

I didn’t know what to think. I was so infatuated with the idea of being with someone who, in my eyes, seemed perfect.

We were friends, of course, and my favorite part of my day was always spending time with him. At the time, I didn’t think I liked him. I couldn’t even consider the possibility of what it would be like if we dated.

All I knew was that I wanted him to be the best version of himself. My constant prayer for him was that he would follow God’s Will for him because I knew it would make him the happiest.

He left two years after I met him. A year and a half later I saw him at a party - he completely ignored me.

It hurt.

More than that, I realized just how deep my feelings had gone. It had changed from a girlish crush to a deep willing of my heart that he would be where he was the happiest. That quickly changed into hurt and, sometimes, I felt angry at him. It was a lesson in forgiveness that showed me just how much it meant to love someone.

I never saw him again.

Will I ever learn to love someone even more deeply than that? I don’t know.

But, it showed me that loving someone hurts. Forgiving someone takes years. Opening your heart to another person takes deep courage.

If it’s not scary, then it’s not worth it.