Sleepy

 My eyes fluttered open and then closed.

 I groaned as I realized that my neck felt sore, and I had fallen asleep while studying.

 I felt a feather-light brush touch against my brow.

 I frowned and then opened my eyes to see my pen and highlighter horizontal against my notebook. My textbook was lying open, my arms resting on top of them.

 I then felt the presence of someone behind me.

 I bolted straight up.

 A familiar chuckle from behind startled me, “Good afternoon, sleepyhead.”

 I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my eyes, my glasses going askew.

 Adjusting them, I looked at my fiancé, “What time is it?” My voice was groggy with sleep.

“Almost six.”

 I glanced through my window to see that the sky was beginning to darken. Anxiety clenched at my stomach, but I forced my expression to remain calm.

“When did you get here?”

“About half an hour ago.”

“What?!” I turned in my chair, my gaze sharpening on him, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

 His lopsided smile radiated warmth, “It seemed you needed the sleep.”

“Ugh,” I rubbed my neck, the knot there throbbing more and more. “I should get more sleep.” I muttered to myself.

 He came to stand in front of me and then gently turned the chair so that my back was facing him.

“What are you working on?” He asked as his large hands gently settled on the base of my neck and began to undo the knot there.

 I winced as he worked, it was painful but felt good at the same time.

 My mind scrambled to think about what I had been doing, “Just the usual. I need to finish this assignment before I start on my paper. Not to mention my thesis.” I muttered the last part under my breath.

“How long are you staying?” I withheld a cry of pain as he rubbed just slightly too hard.

“Just until the storm passes.” He answered casually.

“How bad is it?” I whispered.

 His hands stilled and I turned in my seat to face him. His expression gave nothing away.

“It should not take too long.”

“Tell me honestly, how bad is it.” I pleaded.

“I am not entirely sure. It should be gone in the next couple of hours.”

 My eyes narrowed, “You know you’re a terrible liar.”

 He dropped his all-too-innocent expression, concern hidden beneath it, “I just don’t want you to worry over nothing. We probably won’t even receive the worst of it.”

 I sighed, glancing at the pile of papers and office supplies scattered across my desk. I was determined to not let the weather affect my mood.

 I stood, “Want some hot chocolate or coffee?”

 He smiled, his hands settled around my waist, “I’m proud of you. You know that, right?”

 I nodded gently pushing him away, “Coffee or hot chocolate?”

“Hot chocolate.” I brushed past him; his hand clasped my own and I pulled him in the direction of my small kitchen. My little apartment only seemed to shrink as he seemed to engulf the already small space.

 As I retrieved the mugs from the cupboard, I heard him walk around my apartment closing the blinds and curtains of the windows.

 I appreciated the gesture; he knew how much my anxiety eased when I did not have to see what was going on outside.

 I heard him turn on my small television screen by the couches in the living room. I glanced up at him from the counter in the kitchen, he was scrolling through some of my favorite shows and movies.

 He caught me staring and winked at me. I quickly looked down at the hot water I was pouring, my cheeks filling with warmth.

 How was it that almost a year later, he could still make me blush?

“You know,” his teasing voice came from my side. I flinched as I added the cocoa mix to the mugs, the mixture spilling everywhere, “it’s not wrong to admire your fiancé.”

 A smile played at my lips, but I refused to look into his eyes.

 My sassy comment died on my lips as his strong arms came from behind me and wrapped themselves across my waist. I could feel warmth radiating from him as he tucked his head into the crook of my neck.

 I sighed in content. Being in his embrace was ten times better than a warm blanket on a cold frigid day.

 Shivers danced across my neck as he pressed a gentle kiss to my exposed skin there. One became two then two became three as he moved across my shoulder.

 Heat radiated all the way down to my toes and a warning rang in the back of my head loud and clear.

 I whispered his name in a low warning.

 He sighed and then rested his chin on top of my head, “Two weeks feels like forever.” He complained softly.

 I let go of the mug I had been holding and rested my hands on his own. He immediately let go of my waist and entwined his fingers with mine.

“I know,” I answered, “But, it gives us more time to be ready for each other.”

 I felt him press a kiss to my head and murmured, “You’re more patient than I am, that’s for sure.”

 I smiled at the note of frustration in his voice, “It will make the wait all the better.”

 I tilted my head back to look at him, “You know I love you, right?”

 His gaze softened and he spun me around in the safety of his arms, “And I love you all the more.”

“Which is why we’re waiting.” I replied in a whisper.

 He gently slid a hand into my hair, brushing the loose tendrils around them. My cheeks warmed in mortification as I realized that I had just awoken and probably had a mess of hair.

 I started to pull away when his strong grip stopped me. He frowned, “What’s wrong?”

 The truth spilled out in a rush, “How can you be attracted to me when I look like this?” It came out almost accusatory.

 His eyes hardened and I looked away, knowing that I had upset him.

“I mean, I just, physically-” I pointed back and forth between him and I, my cheeks felt as if they were on fire. I couldn’t speak, “Um, I just don’t get it. I know you love me for me, but I can’t quite wrap my mind around why… I mean I’m not even that –”

“Stop.” His words were like a lash that came down hard and painful.

 I felt tears prick the back of my mind. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. What was I thinking? I was tired, overworked, and not in my right mind. Why did I have to bring up my insecurities on a day like this?

 I glanced at him, his eyes were hard and unyielding. I started to push him away, suddenly very ashamed of myself. I didn’t want him to see this part of me. The part where some days I wondered why he, out of all people, loved me. He was so blindingly beautiful it sometimes hurt to look at him.

 His beautiful blue eyes and chestnut colored hair. The strong jaw, broad shoulders, and impressively tall height. The dimpled smile that lit up my world and crooked grin when he was being mischievous. The straight nose and perfect skin that had no flaws.

 And then there was me.

 Short, curvier than I wished. Curly hair that was always too crazy and never did what I wanted. My dark eyes were nothing compared to other girl’s beautiful colored eyes. Sure, people called me cute, but how could that compare to him? Others admired my smile, but I could never seem to quite understand what they were talking about.

“Love.” His deep voice spoke gently but strong.

 I shook my head, tears spilling down my face.

 So tired, my mind sighed in exhaustion.

I refused to look at him. I bit my lip, trying to breathe. But I couldn’t. I felt panic and fear magnify in my chest.

 He squeezed my waist, but I stubbornly looked at the hard floor. My forehead rested against his chest.

 Short. The unbidden word popped into my mind, and I gritted my teeth, wishing for the a millionth time I had been able to grow at least two inches more.

“Look at me.”

 I continued shaking my head.

“Why am I so offended?” He asked.

 I nodded against his shirt.

“You’re talking about my future wife.” He answered as if it were the most logical explanation, “The woman I fell in love with and wish with everything in me that I was married to her right now so that I could show her just how much I love her.”

 My cheeks were suddenly ablaze at the insinuation. He seriously had to stop.

“I will never tolerate anyone insulting my wife,” his fingers came to rest beneath my chin and then carefully lift it up. I stubbornly refused to look him in the eyes as he gazed down upon me.

“More than that,” his thumb gently brushed away the tears that kept falling, “you are so utterly beautiful. Even if it were for just a moment, I would wish that you could see yourself through my eyes. Your beautiful hair, those dark curls that constantly tease me,” he ran his hands gently through my curls, “your beautiful eyes,” he reached up to remove my glasses.

 I finally met his eyes, the love that radiated in his eyes made my heart in my chest squeeze. I closed my eyes as he pressed a gentle kiss on one eyelid and then the other. His lips made a trail down my cheek and then brushed across my lips before making a trail up my other cheek. He pressed another kiss to my temple.

 His name pushed for release, but I bit my lip, still ashamed of my reaction.

 He pulled back a fraction of an inch before his lips descended and swept over mine. I released the hold I had on my lip and let him caress my own. His arms wrapped around me firmly and lifted me. Before I knew what had happened, I was sitting on top of the counter. The hot chocolate completely forgotten.

 He finally broke away, his breathing was labored as he said, “I told you I would hold to my promise and wait.” He seemed to be reminding himself more than me.

 My mind felt dizzy, and my heartbeat was pounding too loud to comprehend what he was speaking about.

“Wh-what?”

 His laughter rumbled from his chest as he placed his arms protectively around me. I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Two weeks from now, I will finish exactly what I started.”

 I lifted my head and rested my hands on his shoulders as I asked, “What?”

 He gave me a mischievous smirk, “I will show you just how much I love every part of you.”

 My eyes widened; my mouth opened but no words came out. All I could feel was heat permeating every inch of my body.

 With that, he winked and slipped out of my grip.

“COME BACK HERE!” I yelled, “You can’t just say that!”

 His laughter rang across my apartment as I jumped off the counter and ran to chase after him.

 There was nowhere to go as I chased him into the living room. He turned to look at me, eyes wide and glistening with mischief.

 I ran straight into him toppling him onto the couch. He reached for me and grabbed ahold of my waist as he fell. I landed on top of him, our laughter echoed through the apartment.

 I pushed myself off him, but just as I did, I heard the familiar sound of thunder rumble nearby and the wind howling in the distance.

 I froze. My mirth immediately fell away as panic and anxiety replaced it.

“Love?”

 The knot in my throat didn’t allow me to speak.

“Come here.” He spoke gently, as he sat up and pulled me into the safety of his arms.

“It’s not going to hurt you.” He whispered, as he sat me down on his lap. “Okay?”

 I tried nodding, and as I brought my hands to rest on his chest, I realized they were shaking.

 His right arm cradled me as his other hand took ahold of my two hands, “You’re freezing.” He murmured, and then proceeded to grab my comfort blanket on the far end of the couch to spread around me.

 He leaned back on the couch and gently rubbed my right arm back and forth over the blanket. Although I felt as if I could still not speak, I snuggled into the warmth of his embrace. My head rested on the crook of his neck. I let the sound of his heartbeat comfort me as I closed my eyes, focusing on the positive. The fact that I would soon be married to this man: the man of my dreams. That he was protecting me and wouldn’t let anything, or anyone hurt me, including myself.

 Slowly, the emotion of love began to overcome my fear.

 Several minutes later he asked, “You okay?”

 I nodded, and then whispered, “Just hold me.”

 He tightened his embrace and pressed a kiss to my forehead, “Want to watch something?”

 I shrugged.

 Taking that as a yes, he grabbed the remote control that was on the arm of the couch and turned the television on.

 I felt his muscles flex underneath me as he moved.

 I then heard my favorite Korean show being played. I had practically memorized the lines to it even though I was far from fluent.

 The remnants of my panic didn’t allow me to turn and watch it, so I just listened.

 After several minutes I felt my fiancé’s laughter shake the both of us.

 I looked up at him to see him grinning at the screen. I turned my neck to see a comical seen on the screen. I couldn’t help the smile that stretched on my lips.

“Is that a smile?” he teased.

 I buried my head in his neck not answering.

 He squeezed me and then continued to watch.

 I knew he would have never watched this on his own, which made me even more thankful that he was trying to make me feel better.

 He loves you, the words bounced around my mind. Tears of gratitude and love flooded my eyes.

 I closed my eyes as the exhaustion of my emotions began to weigh heavily on me. I could hear the storm in the distance. Strangely, it did not bother me as much as it once had. His laughter and the soothing voices on the tv relaxed me. The comfort of his embrace shook away my anxiety, replacing it with comfort, protection, and peace.

“I love you,” I whispered as I felt the oblivion of sleep began to take me away.

 Just as I let it drag me under, I heard him whisper back, “I love you so much more.”