A Loving Father

Why is a father important?

Well, there are many reasons and I bet you could give me those and more.

I have always known that having a father that provides for you, loves you, and protects you is important.

As most little girls do, I thought I had a perfect dad. He took care of me and played with me and gave me many things that I really liked.

But as I got older, that perfect image of my dad slowly became more and more cracked. He wasn’t as perfect as I thought he was. And to my little-girl-heart it was painfully disappointing and hurtful. It felt as if the person I had known from years and years ago was no longer the same one I talked to when I came home or over the phone.

As I noticed these things, I also noticed that my perception of God the Father became skewed. How could I love someone who said was my Heavenly Father, but in reality I felt like he was so distant? It was frustrating because those same expectations and disappointments I put on my earthly dad, I did the same to God the Father. It got to a point where I felt like I had a Master-Slave relationship with God the Father. I had to do all of these things to please Him and make Him happy or else He would send some type of horrible punishment to me.

And yet, I didn’t realize that I was consciously doing this. No.

In my mind, yes, I knew I had a Heavenly Father, but it felt like such a distant thought. I struggled and grappled with this for so incredibly long. Even if my mind believed that He loved me, my heart didn’t.

So, what happened?

I went on a pilgrimage.

On that pilgrimage there was a daily reflection of the prodigal son. At first, I was like oh, this one again. I knew this story, had heard it so many times that I felt like there wasn’t a single new thing I could learn from it.

I was wrong. So wrong.

I learned that I had been hanging on to this idea that God was some Master and I was the slave. That I had to do His Will the way, a slave would.

I learned that God the Father wanted to give me those desires of my heart because He placed them there, not despite them. Slowly I found my heart melting because for so long I had hung on to the idea that I had to ignore what I wanted in order to satisfy Him.

Wow. This changed everything.

How do you perceive your father?