He Held my Hand

So, I’m not gonna lie, this week was really challenging. It seems that it tends to be when I get sick :)

I think Our Lord was really trying to tell me to stop and take a moment to rest. You see, I’m the kind of person who tends to push myself, no matter how I’m feeling, because I have this stubborn sense of responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, it is a very good thing to be responsible BUT not when you put aside your very own health for it. Unfortunately, that’s kind of what I did. So what happened? I got sick.

Sickness is already not fun. It makes you feel vulnerable and weak. For someone who is constantly running around all the time with two jobs and several hobbies, it made me feel like I was stuck. Yet, it also kind of felt like my Heavenly Father was giving me the biggest clearest sign to stop and rest.

I’ll spare you the details, but I had to go to the doctor’s office twice and both times were not fun. The second time, I told the doctor of my symptoms and he had me take a strep throat test. As most of you know, those are the worst. At least for me they are. The doctor teased me about it, but in that moment, I remember feeling so vulnerable.

I was there at the doctor’s office - by myself - with no one to accompany me. Prior to that, there had been no one to care for me. I had to do it on my own. It was the first time I was alone while so sick. But it was in that moment - where the doctor told me what he was going to do and I was bracing myself for it - that I envisioned something so clearly I nearly gasped.

It was a simple image, but it brought me to tears. It was the image of Jesus by my side holding my hand. His large hand engulfed my small one and there was a whisper of a voice that said You’re not alone. I’m right here.

When the doctor began the test, it was still awful, I still felt vulnerable, but there was a consolation that I wasn’t alone. And then it was made even clearer to me that I needed to stop. Stop closing myself to others. Stop not asking for help. Stop believing I was alone.

My stubborn self still went to the grocery store to get my own medicine, but it was after that, when I got in the car that I finally finally stopped. I called my sister and honestly told her how I was feeling. Yes, there were some ugly tears and she was worried, but we made a plan for her to come pick me up. She picked me up and took care of me all through the weekend. It was in her care that I saw Christ and felt His love for me. There were still some downsides during the weekend and being sick was still rough, but I wasn’t alone. It made me heal so much faster :)

Sometimes we isolate ourselves because we want to prove to ourselves that we can do it - that we don’t need anyone - but we do. We’re human - we were made for love and to be loved. To be deprived of that is hurtful. God is always there. In the person beside you, in the random friend you found, in the brother or sister who is with you, in the coworker who always asks how you’re doing. In all of those people, God is extending his hand to you asking you to take it.

So, take it.