A Year of Growth
Personally, the year 2021 was hard. There were so many changes, so many months full of uncertainty, and it was just so hard. But it was also so beautiful.
Let’s see - exactly a year ago, I was a senior in college and getting ready to prepare my thesis. I thought I would be having a lighter workload since I didn’t have as many classes. I remember feeling very burnt out, but just thinking I just need to push through this semester. Just one more semester. I got caught up in my classes not knowing what the year would bring…
February hit. Since it was my birthday month, I had been hopeful that the year would bring about a strong finish to the semester. Unfortunately, all those plans fell through when I got sick. Really sick. I ended up in the ER and my health declined rapidly in the span of two weeks. I still had thesis-ing to do and a massive creative writing project to finish, but I physically couldn’t do it. I was worried and didn’t know how it would all work out.
March was full of catching up and stress. I needed to finish my first draft of my thesis and catch up on all my other classes. Spring break was so good, though! I took a roadtrip down to Texas from VA.
April came at me way too fast. I vividly remember staying up late trying to finish biology homework, creative writing homework, and thesis work. My work schedule was also hectic. There were days where I felt like I wasn’t going to make it. You know that feeling when you’re exercising and the clock is saying just one more minute, but your body believes there’s no way you’re going to make it through that minute. Yep, that’s exactly how that semester felt.
But guess what? I made it! Graduation came around and that day felt like it was too good to be true. I couldn’t believe I graduated. It couldn’t be real, but it was. And all I could think of was, “by the grace of God, I am here.” There was literally no other way that I could have survived that.
And then it was two weeks of discernment and rest. I was discerning mission work. Ultimately the answer was no - at least not yet. So, I went home and worked at a jewelry store. That was a whole other level of growth. The work world was tough and long hours were involved. I also got my first car in July. By the end of July, I was hired at a private school.
And you might be thinking, “okay, so you got what you wanted”… not quite. In August I was hired as a part-timer at a parish… and if you know anything about parish life is that there is always work to do. So, I put on my first retreat, coordinated and got involved with the students and parents. And learned, so much. But I felt alone.
I was living on my own and working so much and all I could ever think was I’m so so tired. I’m exhausted. Getting out of bed in the morning was a struggle. I had to constantly remind myself why I was doing it. Some days, I couldn’t even think of a single reason as to why I should keep going.
November arrived and I moved into an apartment with my roommate. More stress, more tension, more changes. It all felt so hard. December rolled around and finally, finally, some much needed rest. We jump back into January and I get sick :/. Not like before, but still very sick.
So, what went wrong? What did I learn? Was all of this struggle and change worth it? Was I even happy?
The truth is, it’s still hard. And I firmly believe that it will still be hard. It’s still going to be a lot, but it will also be beautiful. How?
Because one day, you’ll look back and see that you have grown so much. That not one day was wasted in your growth. It was painful, it was hard, but it was beautiful.
It’s all about perspective sometimes. Let yourself acknowledge the hard. Let yourself be sad, be angry, be hurt, but also be confident that no matter what, all those emotions, all those challenges, all of that joy, is beautiful. Why? Because without it, there would be no growth.