He likes me curvy :)
The quote that comes to mind when I’ve been thinking about this topic is: “What is that you want to change? Your hair? Your face? Your body? Why? For God is in love with all those things and he might weep when they are gone.” - St. Catherine of Siena
Read it again.
One more time.
Let it sit with you.
So often, I’ve been praying that God change some of my biggest insecurities. Yes, that also includes my body. I think everyone - especially women - struggle with self-image. Maybe that’s just me, but I just see it again and again and again. I see it in the social media posts. In the world of today that emphasizes outworld beauty. Even in the innocent compliments that we sometimes give each other. Most of it has to do with the external. Not the interior.
Last Friday I remember opening my fridge in the morning and realizing that I didn’t have a lot to eat. So, I just grabbed the few snacks that I had and a Tupperware of rice and half an avocado. I remember closing that fridge and thinking “if God wants me to fast, then I’ll fast, if not then He’ll provide me my protein.” Something along those lines… :)
It was such a random thought but there was also a whisper of a thought that hoped that maybe just maybe if I fasted a little more, my body would change to fit the image that I wanted.
Anyway, so fast forward to three hours later when I was taking a phone call at the school I work at. There was a parent on the other line asking if he could order food to the school for his son. I told him that was fine and we hung up. Not even an hour later, he calls again. I thought that there was something wrong. So when I asked, he said, “Do you want something?” I remember being so stunned that I asked, “Me??” He laughed and said, “Yes, you.” He told me he was ordering from one of my favorite restaurants (he didn’t know that) and then he said, “Anything you want.” So I asked for one item. And he made the whole thing a meal! All I could keep saying was “Thank you. Thank you.” He was very kind.
But, wait! It doesn’t end there. I’m not kidding…. half an hour later, a teacher walks in and reminds me of something kind I did for her. I brushed it off and was like “of course!” And then she tells me, “here, I brought you a soup.” She pulls out a small soup from the same restaurant! I was so shocked and told her thank you as well.
When she left, I remember staring at the crucifix in my office and just laughing and saying “thank you.” It was insane. I now had a double lunch.
As I ate lunch that day and later left the school. There was just this thought in my head that kept floating in and out whispering “He likes me curvy.” This brought this journal entry and this quote in mind.
He loves us exactly as we are. With all of the brokenness and mess that we are. With all of the flaws and insecurities. When He created us, He saw us, smiled, and thought “Wow. You’re perfect.”
Yes, He wants us to better ourselves. Because we’re not good enough?? No! Out of love for us. He knows we will be happier, live life fuller, if we care for ourselves and improve our well-being. He will always, always love us, no matter what.
It’s actually quite funny because as I was writing this, one of my dear volunteers at work offered me a cookie. I thanked her, ate it, and kept writing. Once she noticed I was done with it, she offered me another one. I laughed but she kept insisting that I take the cookie. So, I took the cookie.
I truly believe that these gifts from others are signs of Christ taking care of me as I work hard and keep trying every day to do His Will. Obviously this does not mean that I’ll be eating junk food just because, but it reminds me that I need to take care of myself because He takes care of me. It’s a gentle reminder to exercise, take care of myself, and enjoy the small things in life.
To me these aren’t small gifts, they’re big, they mean a lot because He also knows my love language.
Why? Because He made me :)